On the snowy March evening when I was born, weighing 4 pounds – my Dad held me in the palm of his hand, calling me peanut. I was always the smallest kid in class, the tiniest dancer in the recital. I remember how enormous the stage felt around me, how my voice echoed against its vast space, the warped wooden floor seeming to go on forever into the blackness of the house. Everything felt big, wide – and I was just a speck in the midst of an enormous world.
I was loud with laughter, jumping and tapping and singing. Was this because of my perceived insignificance? As a woman, years later – do I still feel this way? As if I’m stroking through the water but still haven’t reached the other side of the pool?
Water. Rippling, rushing, deep and wide and stretching out so far beyond me – beyond my tiny legs and arms. I will never reach its end. And the stars – strewn across a sky that is even wider, creating amazing patterns in a universe that is too brilliant, too bright. And I underneath, gazing up with awe-filled eyes.
How large I’ve felt when my voice fills an auditorium, soaring above and beyond the space I’m in to reach out through that great sky. So it is with my words, too. They bend, weaving and shaping themselves onto the paper and then become larger when others read them, like the melodies of songs moving through the air can be caught and remembered, shared. I no longer feel little, tiny but wide, vast and endless like the sky above and water below – the Universe around me.
I blink and see that tiny dancer, that little girl standing on an enormous stage. How big her dreams are, how open her heart and eyes. Wide as the sun, bright as the stars, she is full to bursting with excitement. A firecracker lighting the dark. Is that me?
Yes, yes. I am that dreamer, that daughter, that star-gazer, that swimmer. I am that singer, that writer, that mother – that Woman. I am that Little Tiny.
But I am also that Huge Gigantic. Massive Enormous. Immense Vast. My dreams, my words, my songs – My Voice. Significant and Wide. Reaching out into an endless Universe, a flicker of Big Magnificient in the clouds.
Written in response to the mid-week challenge @Toads – hopefully my poet friends won’t mind that my musings came in the form of prose poetry today.
Thanks for reading, I wish you a day full of dreams! 🙂